My Stages of Fitness Grief

Have you ever opened your eyes one morning and thought, “Nope. Not today! I'm [insert excuse such as too cold, too tired, too bloated, etc. here].” Because that was me this morning. The responsible adult in me spent a better part of 10 minutes in bed, under the warm covers, debating whether I should just get the cardio over for the day. The argument against it was weak (I just didn't want to), but I felt pretty strong about it. However, I learned that I could keep complaining and arguing with myself while I put on my spin attire and stepped into my home gym. So that's what I did.

So there I was, climbing onto that uncomfortable stationary bike seat after two cups of coffee and pedaling like a person who hated life. The next 45 minutes took me through the full emotional spectrum: denial, bargaining, petty resentment, a surprising burst of confidence, and finally… acceptance. The five stages of fitness grief.

And because I know I’m not the only one who has these unhinged internal monologues, I documented every chaotic thought exactly as it happened. For your entertainment. And your validation. Buckle up. Or clip in. Whatever.

0:00 - Okay. I'm here. But I'm not going to work too hard. Just not feeling it today. I mean, at least I'm doing SOMETHING, right?

0:22 - I hate the cold. I hate the cold. I hate the cold. I hate the cold. I hate the cold.

0:47 - I think ten minutes will be enough. Don't want to overdo it.

1:57 - Dear God, why do these seats feel like a hate crime? There is not enough padding in these shorts.

2:38 - I could be doing literally anything else right now...but seriously, why lie. I'd probably just waste my time playing a game on my phone until time to log in for work.

3:22 - Okay. My body feels like it's warming up. Maybe I can handle a little more resistance. 

4:48 - Oooo. My favorite song. 

5:01 - Maybe 15 minutes. 

6:09 - I hate my life....but I'm still going to do this just so I can say I did.

7:23 - Ew. Who allowed Fergie on my playlist? "Alexa. Thumbs Down."

10:09 - Ugh. Here comes the sweat.

12:41 - Do I want oatmeal or yogurt parfait for breakfast?

15:00 - Okay. Not feeling too bad. Maybe I can go for 30. I mean, I'm halfway there, already.

17:19 - I should film this. No...I shouldn't. But I COULD.

25:15 - Do I have to poop? Really? Maybe I shouldn't have had that coffee before I started. 

27:33 - Damn. My ass hurts. Better stand up for a minute.

30:00 - Let's see if I can burn 500 calories. Make up for that sweet tea yesterday. 

32:16 - Holy crap my heart. Better tone it down a minute.

34:00 - The Hell? Is that Fergie again? "Alexa. I said thumbs down."

43:00 - Phew! Time to cool it down. Thank the baby Jesus for cool downs.

45:00 - Hell, yeah! And now to reward myself with an awkward and vain self-portrait to share on social media to make my friends cringe because I fucking earned it. And I'm ready to do it again tomorrow!

[note to reader: when Cary woke up the next morning, he was NOT ready to do it and had gone through the five stages of fitness grief all over again.]