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How to Keep Your Cat Out of the Christmas Tree

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One of the most universally known truths about cats is this: they are drawn to Christmas trees like I am to Little Debbie snack cakes. A decorated tree may be a symbol of holiday cheer to most, but to me, it is my Vietnam, a symbol of frustration and unbearable anger because for most of the past years as an adult, I have not been able to keep my Christmas tree cat-free. To my cats, a Christmas tree is an irresistible vertical playground covered in sparkly toys and mazes of branches. I erect the thing (the tree, not the cat), but by New Year’s Day, my floor is littered with shards of ornaments, scattered like fallen soldiers on a battlefield. But this year , Christmas in my home will be festive, damn it. I am determined to have a fully decorated tree standing proudly in the living room until Saint Nic, himself, shoves his plump ass up my chimney on the night of December 25th. People passing through my neighborhood won't wonder why mine is the only house without a color tree sparkl...
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Just a Demon Doing Demon Things

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Author's Note: This post may or may not reflect my religious beliefs. Of that, I will never share. To me, faith-based practices such as wearing "Christian" paraphernalia, praying in public, ending an interaction with "have a blessed day," using a Bible quote as an email signature, or telling someone (either directly or indirectly) that you are a Christian is obscene, indulgent, and pandering. I challenge anyone who disagrees with me in that belief and faith is meaningless if you can't demonstrate your words with action.  Pride month is a season for celebrating community, love, and unsolicited opinions from internet trolls. If you've never seen a "where's my straight pride" or "God hates fags"- type comment, I envy your ignorance.  Am I the only one who finds it peculiar that there's a type of person who feels animosity towards another type of person for just living their life? It's like penguins hating sparrows for flying...
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Do You Change When You Are Gay?

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“When you’re gay, nothing changes. You stay the same. Your personality doesn’t change; the people in your life don’t change; who you are doesn’t change; nothing changes.”  This is a real quote made by a drastically unqualified heterosexual man with good intentions. He shared this during a mandatory diversity training session. The company's HR representative had asked, “Do you think people change after coming out as gay?” This was back in 2001, and despite being open about my sexual identity for only five years, I had a lot to say on the matter. Why? Because after this vanilla, Southern boy (i.e. me) came out as gay, a lot did in fact change.   Growing up, I always presented signs of being gay. I toted a purse in which I carried my hot wheels cars and a turtle I once found on the side of the road. I made my male Star Wars action figures make out with each other. But I never told anyone I was gay until I woke my wife a little after 2 am on a weeknight back in 1999. And despite h...
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Cary the Fairy

My most memorable targeted bullying incident occurred late one night back in 2006.  It was February. Midtown Memphis.  And just so we're clear, I wasn't the bully. No, that distinguished honor belongs to a carful of grannies. Standing under a streetlight with a few other 30-something friends outside of a popular, gay watering hole , we waited for a laggard from the group to find a parking spot. Despite the freezing temperature, the suggested plan was to “go in together.” I hadn't been out for long, so I assumed this was yet another "gay thing" with which I was unfamiliar as gay culture can be confusing at times. Because of this, I did not question it and kept my complaints to myself; though, I assure you the words I thought when a gust of wind threatened to seal my pooter shut were very ungentlemanly.  The quiet squeak of brakes catches my attention. Some of us turned to watch a purple PT cruiser slowly stop at a red light no more than 3 yards behind us. As I re-f...
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